Why me?

The setting : Our apartment at 7 AM

The players:

Fiancee: About to head off for work and making toast.

Me: Up all night from insomnia about to go to bed, Naked( yes it's important)

Smoke detector: Possibly older than god and can be set off by steam from a hot shower or boiling water on occasion.

The result: Fire alarm goes off, I end up standing under it stretching up with one finger and pressing the stupid stop button every few seconds like I'm a lesbian pornstar . All the while while I also balance the base of a huge cosicalting fan on my hip and use my free hand to steady it and direct it at the smoke detector.

The fiancee? She turns on all the fans in the house, says she has to leave for work and dissapears. Now I'm stuck in an awkward postion freezing my respective parts off becuase if I put the damn fan down and stop pressing the button long enough to get a nightgown the smoke detectors going to let out another siren scream

The worst part however, is since the detector has been set off recently now I can't make toast or the same thing will happen all over again even with 4 fans running.